My niece, Haidyn Immekus Lee

At this time seventeen years ago I was eagerly awaiting for my niece to be born. My sister Julie who lives in Carthage, MO was past her due date and was heading to the hospital in Joplin, MO due to having contractions. Julie was (and still is) the kind of aunt everyone wants. She’s fun, loving, a confidant, always there whenever you need here, etc. Her home was literally my kids 2nd home some summers. I couldn’t wait to finally get the chance to be that kind of aunt to her child, to make all those wonderful memories. I couldn’t wait to see what she looked like. Would she have red hair like my girls, or would she favor her father who had brown hair and brown eyes. My kids at the time were so excited. Allie was almost 10, Trent almost 8, and Kelsie was a week from turning 3. My sister and I just knew Kels and her would be the best of friends. I had thrown her a baby shower as well as helped her paint and decorate her room. I even wrote a special note to Haidyn above her door so she would always know how much aunt Shell loved her. That night the hospital sent her back home, said it wasn’t time yet.

The next morning, April 20, 2003, was Easter morning. We were getting around to go to church when my ex brother in-law called. Miss Haidyn Immekus Lee had made her appearance. I was beyond thrilled!!! He said she was having a little trouble breathing and had been taken to the NICU but everything was ok. Knowing the kids wouldn’t be allowed to see my sister or Haidyn so I decided to send them with my in-laws to church. I called my Nannie to see if she wanted us to pick her and my Papa up and take them to the hospital with us. My Nannie was quite upset and I figured it was because Haidyn was sent to the NICU. She then says “I can’t believe we lost her” I was shocked and asked her what exactly she meant. She was the one that told me that Haidyn had passed away. I literally fell to my knees and started sobbing. I was in absolute shock. I had the kids run to get Henry who was out doing chores so we could get down there. My parents hadn’t called me because they I was driving and didn’t want me to get the news then. We got down there and I was able to hold my beautiful niece for several minutes and yes, she had a tinge of red hair. My heart was broken. It was as if I had lost my own child so I couldn’t begin to imagine the pain my sister felt. It was later discovered that they should have never sent my sister home the night before. By the time she got to the hospital the next day Haidyn was in distress. My sister had an emergency c-section and Haidyn had swallowed some meconium. When the dr’s were trying to get it out they ended up tearing her lung. She was only with us a few short hours.

The next several days were a blur. As so many people have said, no one should ever have to bury their child. When we went to see her at the funeral home Trent said she looked like a porcelain doll, and she did. A beautiful doll. Poor Kelsie just didn’t understand. She wanted to hold ‘baby Haven’ as she always called her. For months afterwards I would find Kelsie playing, for instance rocking a pretend baby and when I asked her what she was doing she would look at me and just give me that matter of fact look and say “Rocking Baby Haven.” The graveside service held in Carthage, MO was a nice one. I had wrote a letter to her, but didn’t feel like I would be able to read it so my brother was nice enough to do it for me. The last line of my letter, and what was put on her stone is .... I will hold you in my heart til I can hold you in my arms once again.

Some may wonder why I chose to write about her on my genealogy blog and it’s simple. Haidyn might have only been in our life for a few hours, but she will always be a part of our family and I want future generations to know about her, to know how much she was loved, how much it hurt to lose her, and how we will never forget her. I look forward to seeing her again and know she’s up there playing with papa Larry, Nannie and Papa, as well as a host of others.

I will end this with the lyrics of the song “I Believe” by Diamond Rio. Julie and her ex were trying to figure out what song to play and one night on the way home from the hospital I saw a falling star and heard this song. I instantly knew it was the one.

Haidyn, Baby Haven, Haidy, Daisy, never forget how much you are loved and know we look forward to seeing you again!!  Love Aunt Shell

Every now and then,
Soft as breath upon my skin,
I feel you come back again,
And it's like you haven't been,
Gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me

And with all my heart I'm sure,
We're closer than we ever were
I don't have to hear or see,
I've got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe
Oh, I believe

Now when you die your life goes on
It doesn't end here when you're gone
Every soul is filled with light,
It never ends and if I'm right,
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe
Oh, I believe

Forever, you're a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
I will hold you even longer if I can
Oh, the people who don't see the most,
Say that I believe in ghosts
If that makes me crazy, then I am,
'Cause I believe

Oh I believe

There are more than angels watching over me
I believe
Oh, I believe

Every now and then,
Soft as breath upon my skin,
I feel you come back again,And I believe